I dated a guy in a band once

The guy was young and awkward about his shaggy good looks. He was cool and funny and he loved his guitar. The guy wrote sad songs and he liked being in a band almost as much as he liked having a girlfriend.

I was young and shy and I should have gotten up on stage with him to sing his sad songs. I could have shaken a tambourine and snuck sips of beer. I might have flirted with his weirdo band mates. I should have had more fun than I did, sitting quietly on my barstool playing the good girl, wishing I was at the library studying instead.

I should have been different. I should have been less careful. I should have grabbed my camera and gone to more of his shows. I should have put on a skimpy dress and cheered louder than I did. I definitely should have demanded a quickie in the alley around back.

Once I dated a guy in a band and who played guitar. I should have told him that I loved his music more than I loved him. I should have photographed him, drawn him, painted him so that he could see himself the way I saw him: awesome. I should have let his thing be my thing because if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that there are two kinds of love. There’s the scared kind, where you say no and hold on too tight. Then there’s the true kind where you say anything is possible. Anything, even the impossible. And you let go.

I dated a guy in a band once, and you’re not going to believe this, but I told him to quit. I told him that the band was not for me. I told him to choose.

I’m telling you, he should have let me go.

10 thoughts on “I dated a guy in a band once

  1. I married a guitarist. When we were young, all of those band practices and nights in the bars were a great time for reading. I never gave him an ultimatum, even though his mother and stepfather practically begged me to. Eventually, after two kids, he realized that we needed other options. He went back to college when he was 30 for his “employable” degree. He is still a musician. He went back to school at 50 and got a Master’s degree in Jazz Studies. He plays in a couple of bands. He plays his guitar every day. The arts are a difficult way to earn a living. Don’t feel bad. Your husband made his choice. He could have decided differently. You won his heart.

  2. This is great and I could relate because my boyfriend is a musician. I’m the girl who cheers loudly at the shows though. It’s a thrill to see the guy you are in a relationship with put himself out there for a bar full of people to see. I love how happy and carefree it makes him.

  3. I let it all go, and followed my heart where nobody I knew wanted me to go – but thank God, it was worth every price I paid! You were absolutely right, you should have! Lol thanks! Great words!

  4. This is wonderfully written, and the last line is my favorite. I’m a huge lover of live music, but I have never dated a musician. Seems like it would have been a fun thing to do.

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